WTF is 'Too Big' !?!

The fuel has been added to the fire - and I am even more inspired, enraged and motivated to get as big as I damn well want. Will it intimidate other women? Maybe. Will it intimidate men? Perhaps... Will I give a damn? F*CK NO. I won't. You know why? Because it's my body and I can do what I damn well please.

I've always been a sucker for lifting heavy weights, and pushing myself to go heavier and heavier for each set to see what my body is capable of. But more recently, I've been inspired to change my training goals and do more of a hypertrophy/bodybuilding style of training- and included with that is a more 'chiselled' out diet- to ***hopefully*** see more muscle definition. The diet part is most definitely the hardest part of this whole equation, hands down, but the actual training is also quite different than what I'm used to. The idea to do more reps and sets to 'swell' the muscle as opposed to challenging it for pure strength and do less repetitions to lift heavier weights is new to me. But, I'm loving the challenge and the changes I'm seeing so far... i.e getting bigger. And badder. And maybe, a little bitchier 😋

I'm at the end of the fourth week of this new routine and there's a possibility that my already broad build has gotten bigger... <<<YAY! >>> which may have sparked the attention of the ladies who were commenting about me in the corner of the gym, who I overheard saying that I'm pretty, but getting 'too big' for a woman - and for that, here's a big F*CK you and THANK YOU for noticing my gains. Also, thank you for inspiring me to write this blog post.

It's very difficult for me to not compare myself to the bajillions of other incredible women whose bodies and self confidence I admire SO MUCH- who either do crossfit, or are professional athletes (Serena Williams to name one who is totally KICKASS with embracing her beautiful bigness, muscle and confidence) or those Instagram fitness celebrities whose bodies are so frikken lean and gorgeously muscular and defined- in every sense of the word. I would love to look like that too... But I also know how super strict their diets are, and how closely monitored and measured their caloric intake is, which is incredibly inspiring- to have that kind of self control. I love eating too much to be that lean and to have that low body fat %... but the proof is in the pudding - low calorie pudding - that if you put in the effort, have the commitment, drive, passion and fortitude to do something, it can be done.

I'm no motivational speaker, or psychologist, or women's rights activist - NOR am I a crossfit/bodybuilder/competitive athlete - I am me, doing me, to the best that I can. And right now, I am interested to see how my body adapts to this new training.

I am also struggling to understand what too big means. Too big for those women is something completely different for me. And sure, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

BUT WHY DO WE ASSUME THAT BEING BIGGER IS ALWAYS BAD?

Why do we have to tell women that they shouldn't worry about getting bigger? Or feel pissed off (like me) about what those other women said?

WHAT IF I WANT TO BE BIGGER? Other people's opinions shouldn't influence me. Or you. Or anyone.

I struggle to understand why it's implicitly suggested that 'getting bigger' is a fear rather than a f*cked up world view on what size means. I think the culture in North America has caused women to be afraid of size and isn't it funny that the social ideal for the size of a women happens to be the type of body we see the most plastered across all media billboards/magazines/tv -- of social elites, rich people and A-list celebrities?

How ironic.

Big is relative. I understand that. I feel big though. And I kinda like it. I embrace it. I stand tall and proud. But praising my size isn't in any way an attack on thin or lean women. For me, my size makes me feel powerful, dominant and confident. I take up space and I will never apologize for it and change my opinion on my body and what I'm doing to it based on the comments of other people.